Last night was the worst night of my life (though technically, it was already in the morning!) I just had to let everything out. I was trying to grasp the idea that I wouldn’t have the party that I wanted. This is an excerpt of what I wrote a month ago:
My 18 candles will not be 18 candles, rather lanterns. Instead of blowing them, I will make them float in the air. It will be in a garden, most likely. Everybody will wear their semi-formal white attires. Or maybe another color, but I want them to have uniform colors. A band will perform, I want Sandwich! The flowers will be carnations, and my cake would be a two-layered (or three?) simple plain cake with the details: frostings like flowers. And there would also be small two-layered cupcakes. There will be a photo booth for remembrance. And I want abaca slippers to be the invitations/remembrance too, maybe I’ll give them the left pair with a note attached to it, and they will be able to get the other pair when they arrive at the venue (Judy Ann-Ryan-like! Hahaha!) The seats and tables will be kubo-like. And I don’t like pictures being played remembering the past 18 years of my life, but I want a video produced with somebody playing as me, a recorded funny role play.. something like that. ;;) I would also want to receive a surprise. :) I’ll be in a floral dress. :)
I know I have to accept the reality. I know that the celebration is not important. But is it bad to wish for something you want? I wanted (and still want) a debut party. I had lots of ideas. Right now, even if I try my best to put everything in, it still makes me sad. Right now I don’t care if they think I’m selfish because I only think of myself (or the things I want to have!) But can I not wish to be treated like a princess even for a day?