Wrote this two weeks ago out of pure loneliness. Emo lang teh?
I want to have a boyfriend. Not just for the sake of having someone I can call my boyfriend. The longer I am uncommitted, the deeper I think that there’s something wrong with who I am.
I am totally straight, though. If it’s confusing you.
I see sweet couples on my news feed, my twitter timeline, on other social networking sites. I see them in school, in our own village, my cousins have boyfriends! Maybe I’m just envious. Maybe I’m not.
Because there are times when I am suddenly sad and I would want to talk to somebody who can comfort me. Who can be truly honest with me. I do have friends, yes, but somebody romantically involved with me.
Or sometimes if I feel like being spontaneous and I would want to go somewhere I haven’t been to, or dine in a restaurant I haven’t tried, or just go for a coffee run or a drive thru in a fast food chain.
I want someone who would take care of me if I feel sick. Even if I’m not sick and I just feel like being sick.
I’m not up for the texting and calling and checking/updating your other half but just knowing somebody cares. I mean, yes, communication is just a part of a relationship (and I’m not against it because I believe it’s completely unavoidable) but receiving text messages when you thought your day can’t get any worse every second that comes.
I want someone who would pick me up at our house, ask for my parents permission to bring me somewhere and just cheer me up. Or somebody who would go on a road trip with me. Or somebody I’ll schedule a date with. Somebody I’ll plan a date or an out of town trip with. Because even if I have friends, sometimes, they just can’t get me in their schedule because they have other businesses and their own lovers to deal with.
Orange asked me once, “Are you looking for someone?” To which I replied, “I’m not looking, I’m waiting.”
Preets also said once, “If somebody comes, are you ready?” And I said, “Yes, I think I am.”
But I also get tired. From waiting for something that might never happen. I don’t think I have high standards. I don’t even think I have a standard. Or a certain type. (My cousin noticed though that, like my sister, I seem to crush on those who have a bad boy look.)
I get scared when those in my age bracket seem to have a plan with their life. That friends are getting more serious with their relationships. My cousins, who I grew up with, are also focused on their future. My sister seem to be happy in a different place far away from us and I see she’s happy.
Am I alone? Are there other girls like me still waiting for their Prince Charming? Waiting to be swept off her feet? Waiting to fall deeply, madly, head-over-heels in love?