Hello there, birth month!

In one of my entries for June, I decided to write about welcoming this birth month of mine.

But every time it is nearing, I get really sad.

I think this started when I didn’t get to celebrate my 18th.

After that, each and every birthday that passes, I expect people to give me something or surprise me with something. Because I’m always that one person who loves spoiling her friends, her family even with simple surprises on their birthdays.

It’s still a mystery to me too how every June, money is such a big problem. Or maybe not. I just hate imposing. I hate having to ask Mama or Ate if I can have this or have that because I only really ask when I need something so much. And then I think about how I don’t deserve a celebration or how I don’t deserve being given the go signal.

First because I should’ve graduated two years ago. I was supposed to graduate last May too but I still get stuck, I am still stuck.

And the the birthday blues stay until the end of the month. They keep me company.

Last year I told myself I will not expect. We didn’t celebrate. But it was still painful knowing that plans weren’t even thought of.

And then after writing a blog that has the same sentiments every damn year, I cry.

Maybe that’s why I’ve been up the last 35+ hours because I haven’t had that fresh new breath I’ve been meaning to have.

I don’t want to go back to that dark place again.

4 thoughts on “Hello there, birth month!

  1. Hi Jamie!

    I know it’s a let down, knowing that you’ve always been that type of person who likes to surprise others, but you don’t get anything in return. Trust me, you’re not the only one. I celebrate my birthdays in April, and as you know, that’s the ~summer time~ for students. My friends are from all over the place, and I never really had a proper celebration until I turned 19, when my boyfriend decided to invite some of my close friends who are from my area (I studied in the south and resided at the northern part of Manila). Anyway, as time goes by, one thing that I realized was that birthdays are meant to be thankful for yet another year, to reflect on the beauty of the past year — whether it be hardships or success. I know it’s easy for me to say, but I hope you don’t go back to that dark place, and I hope that you’d be able to embrace your birthday with happiness instead of despair.

    I hope this year, your birthday would turn out to be okay. :) If you happen to want to celebrate, then I’d gladly tag along with you! :D


  2. Maybe because June is when school starts so funds are depleted due to enrolment? My co-workers who have children talk about it sometimes.

    Anyway, I think you should DEMAND something hahahaha I’m all about demading for things that I want. It doesn’t even have to be big! Maybe just a simple dinner at home. It won’t hurt to ask! :)


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